photographic evidence of 67 hours without sleep, 64+ hours without eating at all, replaced instead with drinking and narcotics of numerous kinds and anywhere between 2-5 packets of cigarettes over each of the 3 days.
the come down was a pretty nasty state of being, and even though i eventually accepted it and used that suffering state to learn and question my routine, it still seems unnatural for me to be focused on drugs and unhealthy habits for the sake of mind-altering creativity.
i want to say that this is it and that i really cannot find the effort or desire to deal with the negativities of drugs (state altering against the idealistic comfort of mentality, detachment as belief that the ego is worth being consumed in for selfishness produced experimentation, physical reactions to balance the return to sobriety environments, restrictions, displaced passion, warped vision that does more to repress and avoid rather than work to find completion in as progression); but i’m never one to close any door that once served so much positive direction and keys to understanding. i want to say as it was at the moments of the come downs - knowing this reliance of using drugs and avoiding reality responsibilities was no longer serving me in necessary progression - that i have no desire to be in abused substance intoxication for the foreseeable future. that yes i love what it can do for open-minded construction and development, but there is a point where i have to accept that it isn’t anything like the states anymore that were used positively, and rather it is now only comfort as routine and mindless escape to avoid what is real.
i hate that i have to move on from a lifestyle i embraced and promoted for good measure of “fuck the reality we are told and conditioned into following”. and i will still always promote experimentation for self-awareness. but as any master of mind and reality understands and will go out of comfort to express - one does not need to be defined in past idealisation or hopeful future situational direction. that i am not what i do, i am what i am willing to compromise for any greater purpose.
to learn in something fresh for the time it proves relevant.